Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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