dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
