you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
