so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
