i dont even know how to be here
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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