I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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