I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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