So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
