i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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