they need to just BURY HIM!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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