if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
