I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
