on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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