I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
