Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I need a beard to bite.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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