when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
