I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
