dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
