Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
