6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
