I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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