every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
