i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
