when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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