areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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