dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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