Your face is a jimmy john
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
organizing the empties. That sober.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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