I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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