If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
