Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
