just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
