I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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