Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I think my moral compass just broke
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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