i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
and she was petting her beer can
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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