weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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