I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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