Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
