god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
