I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
