I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
