well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
