Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
