i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
