I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
