I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
3 2 1 whiskey
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
