i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
