Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
