I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
