toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
