sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i already hear my dad disowning me
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
