you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
