just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
