tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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