Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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